


Secrets

by dRide



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-03-03 17:11:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2858552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dRide/pseuds/dRide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A secret that was supposed to save a relationship threatens to destroy it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Different

It was an early Sunday morning with the sun barely shining through the bedroom window. Typically, the thought of being up this early in the morning would make Ashlyn sick to her stomach. But she has been different lately.

Giving up on returning to sleep, she pulls her long frame out of bed and heads to the bathroom to freshen up. After brushing her teeth, she takes a moment to look at the person in the mirror. The hazel eyes didn’t hold their normal vibrance and lack of sleep made her skin look paler than normal. Ashlyn stares for a moment longer, then without a second glance to the mirror, leaves the bathroom.

She knew that coffee was a necessity if she had any intention of surviving the day. With a fresh pot brewing, she pulled her phone out of the sweats she wore to bed and checked for any new messages. She let a small smirk through after reading one of Chris’, her brother, drunken texts. She made a mental note to call him later in afternoon.

Taking a seat at the table in the kitchen, she opened Instagram and scrolled through the recent posts. A few of her teammates went out last night and a few pictures indicated that they had a good time. She liked a few and was getting ready to close the app until someone caught her eye in the background of one of Megan Rapinoe’s posts. 

Ashlyn’s brow furrowed in confusion. _Ali told me she was going to stay home. _She quickly closed the app and called Ali, not even considering the time.__

~

Ali stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body before heading into her bedroom. She dressed quicker than normal with a plain black v-neck shirt and dark skinny jeans before throwing her hair up in a messy bun. She grabbed her shoes, keys and phone then made her way out of the house. 

It was early, but she needed to go somewhere that would take her mind off of last night. Her act of betrayal not only had her awake through most of the night, but tears threatened to fall every time she recalled the incident.

She started the car and just drove.

~

Ali parked the car outside of a 24/7 diner and went to open the door until her phone started to ring. She stared at the picture of Ashlyn on the screen and took a deep breath before accepting the call. 

“Hey Ash.” She closed her eyes and waited. Ali knew there was no way that Ashlyn would know everything that happened last night. She just didn’t know how long she could keep this hidden from her best friend.

“I didn’t think you’d be up.” Ashlyn sounded tired, maybe even a little sad. 

“What’s wrong?” Ali figured it was best to get to the point. Something was up, because Ashlyn would never be awake this early otherwise.

There was a pause and she waited in silence for Ashlyn to get whatever was bothering her off of her chest. 

“Ashlyn. Talk to me.” 

“I need to see you.” Ali should’ve scrambled for an excuse to not go to Ashlyn, but there was too much desperation in her voice. 

“I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” She put the car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot.

~

Ashlyn was twisting her hair into a bun while walking to the door. She turned the knob on the frame and was greeted with Ali. She saw the same features on Ali that she did herself this morning in the mirror. Forgetting why she called her here, Ashlyn pulled her into the house and pressed her lips against Ali’s.

“I miss you, Ali.” Ali didn’t respond to the comment and instead leaned in for another kiss and let the memories of last night fade away. They had been distant from each other for too long and Ali couldn’t take it any longer.

“Take me to bed.” 

Ashlyn flashed her dimple quickly before intertwining her fingers with Ali’s and walking to the back of the house.

~  
Ashlyn could not remember the last time she woke up with Ali curled against her body. She missed moments like this and couldn’t stop herself from wondering what went wrong. It was never like this between them. They were always attached to the hip, happy, and in love. Lately, it’s been nothing but stress, heartache and disappointments. 

She glances at the clock on the bedside table and makes the decision to wake Ali up. Ash leans down to kiss her on the forehead before gently shaking her.

“Ali, wake up.” Ash couldn’t help but laugh at Ali scooting closer to her. She places several more light kisses all across her face before Ali begins to open her eyes.

“Hey, Princess.” Ali smiles and kisses her before stretching her body out. Ash can’t stop herself from raking her eyes over her exposed torso.

“What time is it?” Between the activities that she just went through with Ash and waking up too early this morning, she was still exhausted.

“Almost noon. I thought I could make us something to eat while you shower.” Ashlyn noticed the way her body tensed momentarily before relaxing again. She was preparing herself for Ali to make an excuse to leave. It has become routine lately. They meet up, have sex, then Ali leaves as soon as possible.

“That sounds good to me. I’m starving.” Ali leans over the bed to place a quick kiss on Ash’s cheek before walking to the bathroom.

Ash was surprised to say the least, but maybe this was the start of them fixing whatever had changed in their relationship.


	2. Remember When

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the comments and kudos! I didn't expect this to be received as well as it has. Unfortunately, my updates will probably be infrequent. Work pays the bills as I'm sure many of you know. However, I promise you, they will get out eventually. Enjoy!

Ashlyn stood in front of the stove watching Ali’s eggs cook. She didn’t know when or how to bring up what happened last night, but it was necessary. She couldn’t look at Ali without questioning why she lied to her.

Ash felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist which pulled her from her current train of thought. Ali noticed how tense she felt and placed a string of kisses across her shoulder before letting her lips linger against Ashlyn’s skin.

“Breakfast is about done.” Ashlyn said before pulling herself away. The last thing she needed was Ali questioning her and a fight breaking out. If it was going to happen, she’d rather it be later.

“I’ll set the table.” Ali wanted to ask what was wrong, but they were having a fairly decent morning and those haven’t been happening for the last couple of months.

~

“Is something wrong?” Ali was fed up with Ashlyn brooding over something she had no idea about. She barely ate any of the breakfast on her plate and refused to keep any type of conversation going. 

Ashlyn stood and collected the plates before discarding them into the sink. Not once did she make eye contact with Ali. She couldn’t keep it in anymore, she needed to know.

“Ashlyn.” She was still hovering over the sink, but not making any attempt to wash the plates. Ali was standing close to her with her hip leaning on the counter. 

“Did you have fun last night?” Ashlyn asked the question quietly. Almost quietly enough for Ali to not hear. However, that would’ve been too lucky for Ali. She was hoping Ashlyn wouldn’t find out about last night. There were too many things that happened.

“How did you find out?” She tried to figure out a way to get out of this conversation with her relationship still intact. 

“Does that really matter right now Ali?” 

It didn’t matter at all. Ali just knew that Ashlyn would jump to conclusions. What happened sounds bad, but it wasn’t. She couldn’t think straight last night. There were too many temptations and things haven’t been the same between them.

“Ash, it’s not the way it looks..” Ali runs her hand through her hair and walks closer to Ashlyn. Much to her surprise, she didn’t pull away when Ali places her hand on Ashlyn’s hip.

“What would you think if I did this to you?” Her question made Ali take a step back, figuratively and literally. She knew the pain that Ash was going through, because she went through it herself before they started dating years ago. 

“What happened to us Ashlyn?” Once again, she was diverting the attention away from last night but this question was just as, if not more, important. 

“I didn’t ask for much Alex. All I wanted was to show everyone how much I love you.” She moved away from the sink and sat down at the table roughly. Her head was buried in her hands but continued talking anyway.

“When I met you so long ago, you made me want to change. I changed for you. I didn’t even think twice before doing what you needed from me. I stopped sleeping around. I stopped staying out late at night. I stopped everything you hated about me.” She lifted her head up and tried to make eye contact with Ali, but she had turned her back to her. Ali took Ashlyn’s previous position and now hovered over the dirty dishes. 

“When we started dating, I was so happy. You made me happy, Alex. You still do. The best time of my life is the moments I get to share with you.” Ashlyn couldn’t help the smile that came from the memories she shared with Ali. 

Ashlyn couldn’t see the small smile that Ali was trying to force down. She also couldn’t see the tears that were slowly falling.

Ali knew she had to speak up eventually. This was her fault to begin with, so it was her responsibility to mend whatever she could. She cleared her voice and tried to talk through the tears.

“Do you remember when you would always waste time in the locker room or showers because you wanted to walk out with me to my car?” Ali knew the best way to get back to how they were was to remember the small things they did for each other.

“I remember you taking forever to get dressed and do your hair.” Ashlyn scoffed, but soon they both were laughing. This was what they both missed.

“You’re not so innocent yourself. You made me wait an extra thirty minutes for our first real date because you had to get your the bowtie just right.” Ali turned the water on to fill up the sink to wash the dishes, but really, it was meant to drown out the sound of her giggling.

“Ali, I’ve told you countless times that I was just wasting time. You made the reservation too late.” Ashlyn defended herself the best she could, but she knew she’d do the same thing again if it came down to it.

“At least I didn’t forget to make the reservation.” Ali had a teasing tone but knew Ashlyn would get riled up over this one. Hearing her groan made Ali laugh with her head tilting back and her nose crinkling. She hasn’t laughed like that in a while. 

“You asked me at the most inappropriate time! I was looking at puppies!” Ashlyn knew she just forgot, but the puppies were really cute.

“That is a horrible excuse. We had fun that night anyway.” Ali looked over her shoulder at Ashlyn and winked.

Ashlyn grinned at her and they both let silence fill the room. It was fun reminiscing, but the memories wouldn’t help the problems they face currently. 

Ali finished the dishes and drained the water from the sink. She watched it swirl down the drain and wondered if her actions have caused her relationship with Ashlyn to go down the drain as well.

“I know that I’ve hurt you by asking you to keep us quiet. It’s hard for me too Ashlyn. The publicity we would receive if we came out officially would be crazy. It would be a distraction for the team. I’d like to think that our personal life has nothing to do with our professional life, but it does. The world cup is right around the corner, we have to think about that.” Ali let the words she just said replay in her mind. Even to her, it sounds like she’s putting her job before Ashlyn. Is she? 

“I understand why you don’t want anyone to know about our relationship, but Ali, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t go to practice and lie to the girls about fake hookups. I can’t lie anymore to Chris or Kyle when they tell me to get my head out of my ass. I can’t go out anymore and see men put their hands on you.” Ash could hear Ali sniffling and it broke her heart knowing she was making her cry. She stood and walked to Ali, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her against her chest. 

Ashlyn propped her chin against Ali’s shoulder and whispered against her ear, “I can’t blame them. I can’t keep my hands off of you either.” Ali let a small chuckle escape before turning in Ashlyn’s arms and burying her face against her neck.

“I miss us. I miss the girl I met years ago. I miss the girl I fell in love with.” Ashlyn pulled away enough to give Ali a small, lingering kiss.

“I miss my wife, Alex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you go.. the first secret. Don't worry, that's not the only one.... I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, I'd love to say sometime next week. Maybe you'll get lucky and get one Sunday if I find the time! Thank you all.
> 
> p.s. I have an autobiography that I spend most of my time on. Is this site just for fandom or can I post it here as well? I'm still getting used to this. If I can't post it here, and anyone has any ideas of where I can post it, let me know. 
> 
> Bye-Bye :D


	3. Marry Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!!!

January 13, 2012 

_“Alex! Hurry up!” Ashlyn had been yelling for Ali for the past twenty minutes and she hasn’t heard a word from her. They were suppose to be meeting Heather for lunch at a restaurant close to Manhattan Beach. If Ali kept this pace though, they’d be better off meeting for dinner._

_Ash grabbed a pair of Vans that she left by Ali’s bed last night when she ‘accidently’ slept over and made her way back to the bathroom. As she pushed her way through the door she said, “Ali, let’s go. I’m sure you look gre-”_

_To Ashlyn’s surprise, Ali was ready and sitting on the edge of the bathtub. On her phone, nonetheless. She didn’t look up as Ash walked in and therefore didn’t see Ash’s shocked expression._

_“Babe, I’ve been yelling for you for the past twenty minutes.” she said in confusion. Ali was still typing away on her phone, but when she finished she laid it on the bed and walked to Ashlyn._

_“I know. I was on the phone talking to Heather. I’m sorry.” replied Ali. When she was finished, she leaned up on her toes and placed a quick chaste kiss on Ashlyn’s lips._

_Ashlyn watched her walk into the room towards the closest beside her bed and pick up a pair of sneakers before saying, “What did she have to say?”_

_“She called to cancel on our plans today. Dave’s car broke down while he was trying to visit her before Canada and she had find someone to go pick him up with her.” she replied. Ali was putting her shoes on as Ash waited by the door. It was obvious that she was ready to get out of the hotel._

_“I guess you’ll have to spend the day with me only.” Ali said then walked up to Ashlyn and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Sorry” she quipped and winked before walking out of the room._

_Ashlyn was smiling like a fool and hadn’t moved until she heard Ali yell, “Let’s go babe! I want to go to the beach before the sun sets!” Ashlyn quickly lost her smile._

_“Ali, I’m not ready yet!”_

_~_

_They strolled along Manhattan Beach near the edge of the water before sitting in the sand by the pier. Ashlyn sighed in content as she watched the waves along the horizon. Ali, however, was watching Ashlyn._

_She was always so at peace near the ocean and Ali loved watching her be reunited with what she loved. The sun was getting ready to set and the soft glow from the sun illuminated both of their faces. Ali was always amazed at Ash’s beauty and today wasn’t any different._

_Ash took a glance towards Ali and noticed her staring. “What are you looking at?” she chuckled and turned her focus on Ali completely._

_“You. You’re beautiful.” Ali answered. Ash looked back towards the water and grinned. She was still not used to Ali calling her beautiful. It was a rare thing to hear in the past. Most of time girls would just comment on how “hot” or “sexy” she looked. But Ali, she always made Ash feel different._

_“I’m pretty sexy, huh?” Ashlyn said in response to Ali’s statement. Both of them starting laughing and leaned towards each other. Ali laid her head on Ash’s shoulder before replying, “Don’t let it get to your head.”_

_Ash placed a kiss on Ali’s forehead before turning back to the sea. They both remained quiet for quite some time and just enjoyed each other’s company._

_The sun was minutes away from disappearing before Ashlyn decided they should probably get ready to leave. “We should head out before it gets too cold.” she said before trying to stand up._

_Ali put her hand on her thigh to stop her. “Just a few more minutes.” she replied with a light smile. How could Ashlyn ever say no to that? So she relaxed once again and intertwined her fingers with Ali’s._

_Ali looked at the hands and a somber look came across her face. Ashlyn noticed and quickly questioned it, “What’s wrong Ali?” Ashlyn watched as she looked away from their hands._

_“Nothing. It’s stupid.” she replied, but it was soft enough that Ash barely heard it above the waves crashing against the shore._

_Ashlyn gave her a look and it made Ali giggle. “I’m serious, Ash. It’s silly.” she shook her head and decided that Ash would make her say it no matter what. Both of them grinned, before Ali explained her brief moment of sadness._

_“I was just thinking about why you put up with me sometimes. I ask you to lie and keep us a secret in public. I’ll pull away when you hold my hand or get too close. I just-” she pauses and pulls her hand out of Ashlyn’s before folding them in her lap. Then she continues, “I just don’t deserve you.”_

_Ashlyn furrowed her brows and remained silent. Everything Ali said was correct. At times even Ashlyn wondered why she put up with the things she did. Every time it came back to the same thing; she loved Ali more than anything. The thought of not being with her scared her more than she’d like to admit._

_“I love you, Alex. That’s why. I’ll do whatever you ask of me, because I’m so in love with you. I can wait for you to be ready as long as I have you.” Ashlyn’s response made Ali reconsidered why she even asked to keep their relationship a secret. It hurt her, but she was scared. She was scared of the public response and most definitely of the repercussions they could face professionally._

_Even so, Ali knew she had to make up for it somehow. She turned her body towards Ash and placed a hand on each side of her face. Ali placed a few kisses against Ashlyn’s lips before saying, “I love you so much Ash, don’t ever doubt it. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”_

_“Marry me.” Ash said softly but firmly. She had her eyes locked on Ali’s and watched as her eyes went wide in surprise._

_Ali was not expecting this, at all. She didn’t know how to respond so she took the easy way out, “What did you say?”_

_Ashlyn smiled because she knew Ali was avoiding what was said. Unknown to Ali, Ashlyn was not expecting her to say yes. And that was completely okay. Ash knew that it was too soon and Ali wasn’t ready. It was just the first thing that popped into Ashlyn’s head._

_“I want to marry you. More than anything. We’ve been together for a long time and every day I spend with you is better than the last. I can’t get you out of my head. You’re it for me Alex. I want to wake up every day with you and go to bed every night with you by my side. I want us to have kids and I want to watch you be an amazing mom because I know you will be.” Ash pauses and wiped the tears away on Ali’s face._

_She continued to caress Ali’s face and leaned in to kiss her forehead. Ashlyn made sure that Ali’s eyes met her before continuing, “I want everyone to know how much I love you. The love I have for you is so consuming it hurts. You’re it, Alex. You’re the one.” she finished and waited for Ali to respond._

_Ali sniffled and wiped at her eyes. She had mascara smeared across her eyes which were bloodshot and glossy. But to Ashlyn, she was just as beautiful as before._

_“Ash” she tried to respond, but her voice was thick with emotion. Ali tried to clear her throat then responded, “Ash, I don’t know what to say. This is so sudden.”_

_Ashlyn looked away and she tried to push down the disappointment. She was expecting this, but it still hurt. Ali didn’t try to stop the tears as they began to fall again._

_It was dark enough outside that Ashlyn was having a hard time making out the details of the ocean in front of her. Before they left, she wanted to make sure that Ali understood that she was okay with her decision._

_Ashlyn ran her fingers through the sand in front of her. She picked it up and played with it in her hand before saying, “I know you aren’t ready Ali. I just want you to know that I am. I’m in this through thick and thin. I’ll be ready to marry you tomorrow or ten years from now.”_

_Ali watches as Ashlyn fidgets with anything within her reach. She begins to think of her relationship she with Ash. They were happy and so good for each other. They were perfect and in love. They have things to work through, but the thought of marrying Ash doesn’t seem as scary as it did earlier. It sounded right._

_Ali was getting ready to tell Ashlyn her decision, but wasn’t quick enough. Ashlyn stood up and extended her arm to help Ali. They stood toe to toe and Ashlyn couldn’t stop herself from leaning down to kiss her._

_It was quick, but passionate. Ashlyn pulled away first and grabbed Ali’s hand before pulling to the car. However, Ali stood her ground. She had one more thing to say._

_“Yes.” Ashlyn looked at Ali in confusion and was getting ready to question her before it hit her. Now it was Ashlyn’s turn to be shocked speechless._

_Ali giggled at Ashlyn’s expression and patiently waited for her girlfriend, now fiance, to regain her composure._

_“Are you sure?” questioned Ash after she got past the initial shock. She didn’t want Ali to say yes just to ease her disappointment._

_“Yes. I want to marry you Ash. I have a lot of things that I have to work through personally, but I want you by my side while I do it. You’re it for me too.” replied Ali. She was smiling and truly happy, but also scared. She knew things would change, but this is what she wanted. She wanted Ashlyn._

_“I want you Ashlyn. Forever.” Ash smiled after Ali’s statement and closed the distance between them. She placed so many kisses all over Ali’s face that they both were a giggling mess before it was over._

_“We’re getting married?” asked Ashlyn. She was still shocked over Ali’s change of opinion, but beyond ecstatic at the same time._

_Ali pulled her into a passionate kiss and when they parted, Ash rested her forehead against Ali’s. They both smiled at each other and they both knew the right decision was made. Ali closed her eyes and confirmed Ashlyn’s question in a small whisper._

_“We’re getting married.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo... Did I do them justice?


	4. Not My Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii *finally emerging from the rock I've been living under*
> 
> Lookie here!! A chapter after however many months!! I promise to never leave you all for as long as I did.... Enjoy

“Let’s elope.”

Ashlyn was riffling through her gym bag looking for her room’s key card in Ali and Syd’s room, but immediately abandoned that mission when her fiance spoke from the edge of her bed. 

She tossed the bag on the floor and took a seat next to Ali, who was staring intently at her with an apprehensive look in her eyes. “Why?” Ashlyn asked in a gentle, but curious tone and began quietly thanking Alex for snagging Syd on a dinner date. 

Ash wasn’t opposed to the idea of eloping, but she also knew Ali and how much she wanted a wedding on the larger scale with friends and family.

Ali tore her eyes away from Ashlyn and bore a hole in the floor with her intense focus. After a less than stellar practice today, she realized that this engagement was weighing on her more than she thought. It’s not even been twenty-four hours since the spontaneous question on the beach and Ali didn’t stop once thinking about whether this was a good idea or not. 

Ashlyn has discussed a possible time for announcing their engagement to everyone, but the thought of anyone finding out made her queasy and anxious. The whole thing was ridiculous, but her closest friends and family knowing she was dating a woman was a lot different than the entire world knowing she was marrying a woman.

During practice, she realized her deep rooted fear that everything she’s worked for her whole life will be background noise when her relationship status became public knowledge.

But she didn’t know how to tell Ashlyn that. She certainly didn’t want to call the engagement off, because she’d be losing more than a ring around her finger.

“Our schedules are crazy as it is, Ash. We aren’t going to have time to even go to a wedding much less plan one.” The Olympics were right around the corner so her adlibbed explanation made sense. “I leave for Canada on Monday.”

The blonde beside her just shook her head slightly, still confused by the sudden rush Ali seemed to be in to get married. “Alex, we don’t have to get married this year. We can have a long engagement.” She tried to reason and even laughed to herself at how crazy her fiance was being. “I don’t expect us to get married tomorrow.”

“But I want to.” The brunette said with more confidence than she expected from herself.

Ashlyn opened her mouth to speak, but words didn’t come out. She wanted to marry Alex more than anything, but something felt off. The girl she fell in love with loved her family more than anything and not wanting them at her wedding was absurd. 

The girl she fell in love with most certainly would have wanted a whole day to herself, surrounded by friends and family, getting glammed up with her best friend by her side then walking down an aisle on Ken’s arm before being handed away to the love of her life. She’d want a small gathering afterwards with the people she loved most and could take hundreds of pictures with before dancing until the DJ ran out of Taylor Swift songs to play. There’s no way that her Alex would want to elope.

Ali pulls her from her thoughts by calling her name and wrapping her hand around Ashlyn’s tattooed wrist. “This isn’t about anyone, but us. I want to marry you and I want to do it as soon as possible. This was my idea, so don’t think that you’re taking my dream wedding from me.”

And that’s the thing; Ali really did want to marry Ash. The thought of being ridiculed by others just made her throat constrict which is exactly why she wanted to elope. 

Even if she decided to not elope and go through with the wedding planning, she had a fear that when it came down to the day where she’d need to walk down the aisle to Ash, she’d walk the opposite way. The thought of hurting Ash that way is what pushed her to the idea of eloping. She couldn’t break off the wedding, she didn’t want to make Ash wait until she worked through her own insecurities regarding her sexuality, and she couldn’t get married in front of her loved ones until she was okay with the public knowing.

She didn’t want to hide, but she refused to give Ashlyn up while working through her own head.

“My dream wedding is anything that has you in it, Ash.” A smirk breaks out on the blonde’s face at the corny, but true, statement. 

“I’m supposed to be the one that says cheesy lines.” Ali chuckles at her very soon to be wife.

“So, we’re getting married tomorrow?” 

Ashlyn nods her head and gives a dimpled smile that makes Ali’s heart clench painfully. She’s so ashamed for doing this to the one person that would give up everything and more for her.

“Looks like it, Mrs. Harris.” That title fills Ali with more joy than she ever thought imaginable and that alone makes her feel like she’s in the right for doing this. She knows that feeling won’t last, but the few minutes that she’s guilt free, she’s going to enjoy it.

Ashlyn leans over to seal the new agreement, but her lips only meet the pads of her fiance’s fingers.

“Krieger-Harris.” Ali says before dropping her hand and playfully rolling her eyes, “I’ve worked hard to live up to this name.” She finishes with a wink and Ashlyn throws her hands up in mock surrender. 

“Forgive me, my Princess Warrior.”

Ali sassily crosses her leg over the other before ‘examining’ her already perfectly trimmed and polished nails. As hard as they tried, the women fell into a heap of laughter at each other’s antics and these were the times that they cherished the most. 

Once the laughter subsided, Ashlyn finally got her kiss. “I love you so much, Alex.” She says against the other woman’s lips.

“I love you too.” Ali repeats when the two of them separate.

Ash lets out a deep sigh once a moment has passed between them and finally asks what she’s been trying to get an answer to for days. “When are we going to tell everyone? Keeping an engagement a secret for a little while is to be expected, but a marriage, Alex?”

Ali rubs her hands nervously against the material of her jeans. Her mind is racing with ways to get out of this, but she knows Ashlyn wants and needs a response. “I don’t want the team to think I’m not focused, Ash.” She states hesitantly and can see the way Ash’s eyes fill with hurt.

“After the Olympic qualifiers, okay? It’s just until the end of the month.” She concedes and Ashlyn’s demeanor picks up marginally. “Two weeks.”

“I guess” Ashlyn exaggerates the word for a second or two before continuing, “I can wait to scream my love for you off of the top of the hotel.”

Ali can already start to feel the guilt creep in again. She clears her throat and stands to her feet quickly like she was just caught for something she shouldn’t have been doing.

Ashlyn picked up on it too and noticed the way Ali was avoiding her eyes. She decided to not call her out on it and instead offer her a few minutes alone to think about their decision. “I’m gonna go grab us some food. Netflix date tonight?”

The older woman smiles weakly while watching Ashlyn move towards the door, “It’s a date.” 

Once Ali was alone in her room, she sat down in her previous spot on the bed and buried her face in her hands.

What the hell was she doing? There’s no way Ashlyn wanted to get married without anyone knowing. She grew up hiding and finally let go of her insecurities only to be weighed down once again by Ali’s.

Ashlyn wore her heart on her sleeve and now she’s being asked to cover it up and during something that was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Ali knew that she wanted a wedding with her family involved and Chris standing beside her as her best man. She wanted to be on the beach, barefoot, and probably wearing one her goofy hats that Ali would tease her about, but secretly loved. She’d want to write her own vows and make them ridiculously long and cheesy, but have Ali in tears before the end of the first sentence. Ashlyn would have all the guest and even herself in tears, because she loved that fully and completely.

And Ali was taking that away from her. She knew all that and yet she couldn’t get past her own fears to give something that would mean the world to the person she loved.

She has never felt as guilty, embarrassed and angry at herself as she does now. 

Ali lets the tears roll down her face freely as she wonders what she’s going to do. She already knows.

She’s going to marry Ashlyn tomorrow and regret the way it was done for the rest of her life. Not because of her dreams, but because of Ashlyn’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be all the further I go with their wedding, or lack thereof, since we all know what happens in Canada........... *cries* I just can't write about it, so back to the present we go!


End file.
